Independence is not good for anyone. Adults thrive when they’re interdependent members of communities. Safety in numbers is not just about physical safety and resource management, but emotional safety. Being with people we perceive to be safe is the healthiest way to feel safe. (It’s called co-regulation.) Those who are isolated (whether alone at home, alone in a crowd, or alone on the internet) become lonely, depressed, anxious, angry, even paranoid.
Human babies are the most immature, dependent creatures on earth. If we want to walk upright, which I think most of do, we need a pelvis with a small opening (to support our internal organs). And if we want to have big brains to figure out how to thrive in diverse habitats, which I think most of us do, then we have to birth our babies when their skulls are small enough to get through the birth canal; when their brains are only 25% developed. So, yes, our babies are incredibly dependent, and depriving them of getting their dependency needs met is not making them stronger, more independent adults. It’s damaging them. We can’t teach babies to be independent. If we try, we‘re neglecting them, leading to deficits in their development and abilities. Do we want that?
Children thrive when families and communities work together to support them and their parents. And adults, even ones who don’t have kids of their own, thrive when they’re part of that community effort.
Let’s celebrate that.
As a country, we should not be celebrating independence today. What won the revolutionary war was not people working independently to overthrow the British king. It was people working together. People can only thrive when we work together, for our common good.
To be sure, I’m painting a simplistic picture. Kidnapped Africans and Indigenous peoples of this land were not welcomed into a community of mutual care after that victory. Many good books have been written for adults about how the colonists/Americans (my ancestors included) extracted wealth from them, including The 1619 Project by Nicole Hannah-Jones and An Indigenous People’s History of the United States by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz. (Many have also been written to share with children. Look up some banned books lists. You’ll find them.)
In 2025 we have a president who wants to be king. And he’s ripping up the social safety net; the ways the government facilitates us taking care of each other.
Let’s remember what Independence Day is really about. Celebrating people working together to overthrow a king who doesn’t care whether we thrive, or even survive; who is intent on dividing us, controlling us and extracting wealth from us.
Let’s celebrate that.
And I know it won’t happen this year, but I’d like to see us shift from celebrating July 4th with fireworks, which scare young kids, animals and veterans with PTSD (aren’t they part of our community?); to people of all ages coming together for community projects and mutual aid.
Followed by potluck BBQs, of course!
